Why you being content may frustrate others around you

Happiness comes from within you. It’s a central tenets in many Indic and new age philosophies. Don’t be a football to external circumstances, practice detachment, journey inwards.

But how would it affect those around you. Your loved ones, how would they feel about you not needing them to be happy? Mere question points at the central conflict at its core. Even Sidhartha Gautama’s wife and son would have lamented when he left.

But here, leaving physically isn’t even needed. Just a feeling of other person not being attached to you for their own detriment is disappointing for many.

It tells them you won’t suffer for them, with them. There’s a beauty in mutual suffering. It creates bond. People who go through difficulties together get close to each other. Here even if you stay through the trials, if you remain unaffected by the external circumstances or them, you’re still not being as vulnerable as them. This shield you have could be seen as distrust by others. That’s why a teetotler is seen with suspicion by drinking friends in a party. ‘Does he think he’s better than us? Why won’t he open up?’

But what do you do then. Is it in your interest to get sloshed just to satisfy others. Should you stay completely detached. Answer lies in Sidhartha Gautama’s later life, when he discovered Madhyam Marg. When his family got back with him. 

Detachment, focusing on yourself, itself is a selfish activity, let’s not gloss over it. But it’s a selfish activity you need to thrive, as much as you need to eat to survive. But you still need to be human, and humans need to connect. So the solution is to show up. Detachment is to be practiced from fickle emotions, not duties.

Show up to that party, chat up with those friends. Stay through the difficulties your loved ones are going through. Empathy doesn’t mean suffering. Yes, you’ll still be seen with suspicion, but that’s not important. Those who can see past their biases would recognise the efforts, and those who can’t. Well, that’s why you were practicing detachment, didn’t you?